


Star-Crossed

by notnowcommander



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hollywood, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:09:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notnowcommander/pseuds/notnowcommander
Summary: When action star Jane Shepard’s career takes a dive following an altercation with a reporter, her agent, Liara, decides it’s time for some emergency reputation rehab. Her solution? A fake relationship with Kaidan Alenko, a fellow rising star in the industry, who needs some extra press of his own. As the two carry out their act and let the rumor mill spin, they begin to realize that maybe their romance isn’t really an act at all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my contribution to this years Mass Effect Big Bang!
> 
> I had a blast writing it and working with Alden on the art, which turned out so beautiful. Hopefully you guys enjoy it as much as I do!

_"SHEP’S PHOTOG PUNCHDOWN!"_

Jane Shepard read the headline on the TV in front of her again and again. It wasn’t like it was going to change, or like changing the channel would make it any more flattering.

She had to appreciate that at the very least, this tabloid news station wants to make light of it, or at least have _some_ fun with the news story. Most other stations or stories simply stated the facts in the headline and made her out to be some kind of high class criminal or thug. A more conservative news channel reportedly called her a “hot-headed slut”, but that was just hearsay. Liara wasn’t going to let her watch that one.

“Uh oh,” Diana Allers said over the TV screen, “looks like a certain action star might be taking her roles a little too seriously. An extreme case of method acting? A sign of inner turmoil? Or is the starlet showing off a side of herself that isn’t so camera friendly? Jane Shepard found herself in a bit of an altercation with a pap over the weekend, when she punched a journalist in the face. Her rep gave a statement saying the actress was asked extremely invasive questions, and responded in a knee jerk manner. Shepard’s publicist says ‘She regrets acting in such a rash manner, and apologizes for those hurt or offended by her actions’. Armax Arsenal sporting supplies has pulled out of their sponsorship of the star in the wake of this incident, and production on the next installment of the star’s _The Blasto and the Furious_ has been postponed until the scandal resolves-.”

The TV switched off from behind her, and she turned around to face Liara. She’d been trying to stop her from watching the news all morning, but it was a mostly futile attempt. She had to keep seeing what they were all saying about her. Maybe it was her way of looking for hope that she could still have a career after punching out a reporter. Liara said that the reporter was okay, and didn’t actually have a broken nose. It was just deceptively bloody.

“Shepard,” Liara said, keeping her voice low.

Shepard was expecting their conversation to be interrupted half-way by another phone call. Plenty of sources wanted to hear from her and get the juicy details on why she went so insane on the press, but Liara has been turning them down all morning. The plus side was that interviews with her are going for quite a price right now. If she truly lost her career, maybe she could make the hot-mess commodity act work for her. Or at least pay the bills.

“I know,” she replied, “stop watching the news.”

“I just think it might be better for your morale.”

Shepard looked over the edge of the couch at her publicist, and sighed. “My morale is the least of my concerns. We were a week away from starting production, and now it’s been halted. My sponsorship pulled out. I highly doubt anyone else is going to give me a role. And that’s just been a few days. What’s it going to look like in the long term?”

Liara crossed her arms. “I wish I could tell you it will be easy. Reporters and outlets are going to have a lot of questions, and I don’t think you’re helping your cause much.”

Shepard furrowed her brows. That was what got them into this mess. A reporter had gotten too close, poked too much, and sent her over the edge. She couldn’t sit by anymore and let the media spin her into something she wasn’t. She wouldn’t let them write stories about her rags to riches tale, while simultaneously painting her as some thug with a dark past that was ready to rip at the seams. She’d gone into this industry somewhat by accident, and was grateful for all she’d been given so far. This scandal threatened to rock her stability, and she wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t know if she ever would be.

“They’re going to want to talk about _this_ and they’re going to push the same buttons, and you need to stay calm and keep your temper under control. Otherwise, you’re just going to emphasize the point that you’re violent, dark, broody. And I don’t think you want that.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. “No, I want to go back to work. That’s what.”

“What you need,” Liara continued, “is a reputation makeover. Shake the rags to riches action star routine, change up your image, maybe.”

“So, just not be myself for awhile?” she suggested, “Can’t we just say I’m in rehab or something? That way I get to vanish for a while, and then people think I’m strong and brave when I come back.”

Liara shook her head. “No. I don’t think that faking a drug addiction is particularly ethical or going to help your cause. Maybe…”

Shepard looked up at her and waited for her to finish. Liara toyed with a lock of wavy blue hair and began to pace. It made Shepard simultaneously nervous and excited. If she had an idea, she was all ears. But whether or not it was an idea she could work with was up for discussion.

“You need a relationship.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You need to stir up some buzz with a new relationship. With someone who is going to help your reputation.”

“A publicity stunt relationship?”

Liara nodded. “Yes. Something to last a few weeks, maybe a month or two, but with someone who is unanimously liked in Hollywood. Someone that everyone trusts.”

“Right,” Shepard said, “somebody who is good with moms.”

Shepard thought of other stars that seemed to be single, ones who were well liked, and could help solidify her as a good person in Hollywood again.

“What about Aria T’Loak? You think she’d go for it?” she suggested.

Liara’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “Oh yes, let’s just set you up in a relationship with the most likely woman in Hollywood to have an actual secret mob underneath her. That’s truly gold-star reputation material, Shepard.”

Shepard shrugged. “This is why I need you.”

“Clearly. Hmm, who could we set you up with?”

“Better question: who would be dumb enough to date me at a time like this?”

 

***

“I’m telling you, Kaidan,” Ashley said, pacing around his kitchen, “this movie is not going to make you bank. I told you that before you took the role, and I’m telling you again now.”

“Uh huh,” he replied, crossing his arms, “come on, tell me you didn’t love that script.”

“Okay, I did, but I like a lot of scripts that people send for you, but it doesn’t mean I think they’re good investments. As your agent, I’m supposed to get you roles that will _help_ your career, not be artful ‘risks’.”

Kaidan looked up at Ash, and raised his eyebrows. He’d heard this lecture before, but with a few months before the movie’s release, she’d been a bit relentless. She was right, after all. A script had come to his attention, and he took interest. It was something he _wanted_ to do, rather than something he thought was a good idea, and then grew to be passionate about. He ultimately liked most of his roles and projects, but some jumped out at him more than others. This one had quite frankly punched him in the face and he couldn’t resist.

“It’s not an artful risk. It’s a drama. There’s a difference. Panic when I come to you and tell you I want to do silent films only. Or that I single-handedly want to bring back French New Wave.”

“Look, I’m happy about this project, because it made you really happy. I like happy clients, but we need to compensate. That’s the deal here.”

“Your thoughts?”

“I don’t know. Charity work, bold photoshoot-.”

“No,” he interjected, “not a chance.”

“What are you talking about?” Ashley asked.

“Your last idea of a bold photoshoot had me mostly naked for the world to see, so _no_.”

Ashley rolled her eyes and pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Everyone loved it, though.”

“Not happening again, Ash.”

He couldn’t deny it: in the past four years Ashley had been his agent, his career had improved exponentially. It wasn’t that his agent was bad before, he just couldn’t afford better. But now, he had roles consistently coming, and it wasn’t a matter of choosing which horror B-movie to take. And she’d proved to be a good friend too. Though, being a good friend also usually meant pushing his buttons left and right.

“Then we need something else. Look, maybe this film will do okay, and you’ll gain some critical acclaim, but I cannot have you go from Golden Globe nominated actor, to unbankable. We aren’t having that, K.”

“That nomination came from another ‘risk’.”

“Lightning might not strike twice. This is Hollywood.”

He held his hands up in surrender. “Fine. No nudity though.”

Ash sifted through her phone and it buzzed with a new email. She opened it and furrowed her brows, and then perked up.

“Oh no,” Kaidan said, “what is it?”

“I think I have a publicity stunt for you.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

Shepard stood outside the office in the agency and waited impatiently for Liara to show up. She was probably trapped in LA traffic somewhere, but it didn’t make her less antsy. She’d walked into the office a few minutes ago, and didn’t receive many favorable looks. Maybe they were thinking of dropping her, not representing her anymore or trying to find her work. 

She heard footsteps coming down the hall, and tensed up to look professional and composed. She took off the sun hat and sunglasses she’d been wearing to get from her car to the building, and leaned against the wall. She was hoping for Liara, but the person who turned the corner was not her.

Kaidan Alenko had released four movies in the past year, and all of them were box office successes. Even the one more independent drama became a sleeper hit and got him a Golden Globe nomination. He was also featured in People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” issue. Not quite the  _ sexiest _ , but still a full page picture. Simply put, he was absolutely popular with the moms. 

But to be standing right in front of him, she was beginning to think that maybe he did deserve the title of “Sexiest Man Alive”. He was terribly handsome in a very understated way. He was tall and broad, and wasn’t just handsome with the right camera angles. His dark hair fell in smooth waves, pushed back and still damp from a shower, and completely clean shaven. Despite all of that, he didn’t look like a movie star. He looked like a normal man just blessed with exceptional genes. Shepard figured she should be used to this sort of thing by now. Hollywood was full of beautiful people. Hell, sometimes she even got  _ paid  _ to kiss them and film terribly awkward sex scenes with them. 

He held two iced coffees in his hand, and stopped right outside the same room as her. It seemed as if he were in the right place. Then she realized exactly why he was here. 

“Uh, hi,” she said.

“Hey,” he replied, and passed her one of the coffees. She took it and looked down. It looked like he’d added just cream, no sugar clumped at the bottom. “Your agent told me how you take your coffee.”

“So you’re the unlucky bastard she picked to fix my reputation?”

Kaidan bit down on his bottom lip. “Guilty, I guess. Though, not entirely unlucky. Besides, my agent has been on my ass about some publicity lately.”

Shepard laughed. “Have you just… not looked at the news the past few days?”

“I have,” he said, “I’m Kaidan. We haven’t actually met in person before.”

“I know. I’m Jane, but uh… everyone just calls me Shepard.”

He gave a polite smile. “Nice to meet you finally, Shepard.”

Liara rounded the corner, pacing toward them quickly. “Sorry I’m late. Come on, let’s go inside and discuss this.”

Liara pushed open the door to the conference room, and they stepped inside. Shepard took a seat on one side, and Kaidan took his seat directly across from her. Liara taking a seat at the head of the table solidified that this wasn’t a normal date, or that it was anything other than a business negotiation. 

“So, Kaidan, I’m sure Ashley told you why you’re here,” Liara began. “Though I expected her to be here for this…”

“I don’t need an agent to negotiate my personal matters,” he said. Shepard was surprised with his candor and willingness to throw his own image away to help hers. She had to wonder what was in it for him. Growing up on the streets, she learned that people only did something for others when they could get something out of it. She’d learned quickly that Hollywood was mostly the same way.

Liara cleared her throat and nodded. “Okay. Well, here’s the deal, to put it plainly: Shepard is in a pretty unfortunate position right now, and needs some real image rehab. I think that dating someone like you - charming, well liked, squeaky clean reputation - would help her. If they see that someone like you can love someone like her, then maybe they can like her again too. And similarly, you need some press before your film releases. Ashley thinks that it might be a good move to even get some controversial press coming your way.”

“Yeah.... so you’re thinking that we just spend time together to get the rumor mill going?”

Liara nodded. “Yes, and preferably at places where you know there will be cameras, but not  _ too  _ obvious because then people will suspect that your relationship is not genuine.”

_ It’s not,  _ Shepard thought,  _ and here I am dragging someone who actually seems genuine through the mud.  _

“Got it,” he said. He looked to Shepard, but she didn’t have much of a response. She was holding so few cards that she felt like saying anything would bite her in the ass. Have Kaidan change his mind. 

“Now, I have this contract…”

Liara pulled out a small sheet of paper, and passed it to Kaidan. He eyed it for a second, and then shook his head. “I don’t need a contract.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Positive. Look, like I said, it’s a personal matter. I can handle my personal life just fine. I really don’t mind.”

“So,” Liara said, caught off guard, “I guess it’s settled then.”

Shepard gave a polite, yet strained smile, and extended her hand across the desk. “Not a contract guy, but what about a handshake?”

Kaidan looked up and smirked. “Will that make you feel better?”

 

***

Shepard wasn’t sure what to expect out of her first “date” with Kaidan. He’d texted her early in the day to let her know he needed to run to the farmer's market and grab some food, but also that it might be a good casual way to let it slip that they were together. Though he’d been completely friendly during their meeting, she sensed that his agent was pushing him this direction, just the way Liara was. However, he had far less to lose than she did. An underwhelming movie likely wouldn’t tank his career, but being a woman and being too angry in Hollywood might ruin hers.

His car pulled into her driveway just before lunch time, and she stepped out to go meet him. She slid into the passenger seat and buckled in.

"Good morning, Shepard," he said.

She smiled. "Yeah, you too."

"You ready to go?"

She nodded. "Ready. So, what's the angle here?"

He shrugged. "Well, as far as anyone else needs to know, I'm going to run errands with my girlfriend."

"That simple?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That simple. Come on, Shepard, you act like you've never acted before," he teased, "and I know that's not true."

Shepard looked up at him as he backed out of her windy driveway and started his way down the hill to the market. She was constantly learning that in this industry, people were different from the way they seemed on TV or on the pages of magazines. Her impression of Kaidan before meeting him was that he was probably no fun, too good and clean, and far too good for her. He was a  _ serious  _ actor who didn't get himself into trouble. Either that or he had the best damn publicist in the business.

But her few interactions with him so far were... disorienting, to say the least. She left her meeting with him yesterday with a decent feeling in her gut, a feeling that this might work. And also a feeling that maybe she would actually  _ enjoy  _ taking on this endeavor.  Maybe he was someone that she could enjoy spending time with.

"Okay, I think I can do that. So, on a scale from one to ten, how touchy?"

"For now? Three. Too much too soon just looks bad, and is almost too telling."

Shepard laughed. "Okay. You speak like you've done this before."

Kaidan looked over at her and shrugged. "No, I'm just observant. I don't cut corners, and as bad as it sounds, sometimes you can learn from your own mistakes... or those of others."

"Like me?" she asked.

He shook his head, and he didn't sense an ounce of dishonesty in it. "No, not like you. Believe it or not, punching a photographer actually doesn't rank that high on my list of career killing moves."

Shepard diverted her eyes. "Yeah, tell that to everyone in Hollywood."

The car stopped at a stop light, and he glanced over. "Really?"

"Why do you think I needed to do something like this? I needed this because they halted production on my movie, and I had several auditions cancelled in just a few days. I'm in some serious trouble here."

Kaidan paused a moment as they stopped at a light, and thought about it. Maybe he really didn’t know how bad her situation was. Shepard was so lost in thought, in mourning for her career, that she hardly noticed when Kaidan rested his hand on top of hers. The touch sent a jolt through her, and she looked back up at him.

"Then we should probably try to make sure that we do a damn good job with this, huh?"

 

***

 

They arrived at the farmer's market a half hour later, no thanks to terrible traffic. Kaidan parked the car and turned to her.

"Wait here," he said.

He hopped out of the car, and Shepard waited, as he asked, though slightly confused. Her door opened a second later, and he held a hand out for her to hop out of the car. Shepard prided herself on being stone cold, not letting people get close, and keeping herself in check. She avoided relationships for the most part, and hadn't really gone for one night stands since she'd gotten her big break. And when she had, she hadn't dated other big name stars. But something as small as Kaidan holding his hand out for her made her feel things. She just needed to keep in mind that despite how handsome he was, or how kind he could be, at the end of the day, he was pretending. It was another job for him.

She took his hand and stepped out of the car. Kaidan held onto her hand, gently, and guided her toward the market. She wondered how long it would take for them to be spotted. Maybe she was the one who would reel in the attention this time, everyone waiting on her next antics, to see if she'd roundhouse kick a tomato vendor or something.

Kaidan flipped his sunglasses down onto his face and led her forward. There were a few chatters as they walked by and into the covered market. Shepard looked around and noticed that a few regular shoppers had taken notice of them. She was fairly used to it, the somewhat surprised looks on tourists faces, as if her entire life was some kind of public display, or her trying to go to CVS to buy lip balm was a spectacle just for them. She had to admit, though, sharing it with someone right now felt good. It felt like she was shouldering the burden far less.

"Alright, what are we here to get?" she asked.

"Attention, for one, but I'm also out of bananas and garlic."

"Together?" she asked.

"No, I would  _ never  _ cook them together," he responded, genuinely offended, "I'm a far better cook than that."

"You cook?"

He nodded, leading her around the fruit stands, hand in hand. "I do. Pretty good at it too. Maybe our next date, I'll cook for you."

She blushed. "Well, seems counter productive. What good does that do if nobody can see us?"

He hesitated a moment, and slid his sunglasses to the top of his head. "Yeah, uh, I guess you're right about that."

He began to skim the marketplace, and surveyed the scene around them. She paid less attention, assuming one of them should remain relaxed and less vigilant.

"Okay," he said, "we have some eyes on us."

"Any photographers?"

"Not that I can see," he said, "but just in case..."

He slid an arm around her back, and looped one of his fingers in her belt loop. Again, his touch sent something through her. She'd had hot costars before, people who the director needed her to get close with and strip down in front of for scenes. She'd made out with people with cameras shoved in her face and at all kinds of unflattering angles, and occasionally she'd feel some kind of tingle of excitement rushing through her, but nothing like this. She'd scold herself for it later, but this was shaping up to be one of her most exciting roles yet.

Kaidan looked down at her, and their eyes met. There was something so genuine in his eyes, something that she sincerely believed in and couldn't shake. She gave a smile back.

"I think I'm beginning to understand where that Golden Globe nomination came from."

He smirked back and shook his head. "Too bad I don't think this will win me any shiny statues."

He reached a hand up to her cheek and brushed his thumb against her freckled skin. And then a camera flash went off.

 

***

“Your agent is so calm,” Kaidan said.

“Liara? Oh, well, yeah, I guess she is. She keeps it chill, because I sure don’t,” Shepard said, bringing Kaidan a beer and sitting next to him on the couch.

“Is yours not?” Liara asked, joining them.

Kaidan shrugged. “No, Ashley is one of the most aggressive agents in the business, I hear.”

Shepard smirked. “Well, maybe it’s to counteract how chill you are.”

Kaidan thought it over a moment, and nodded. “Yeah, huh, maybe.”

"So, how did it go?" Liara asked.

"I think it went fine," Kaidan said. "We were definitely spotted, and looked cozy. I'm sure they'll show it."

Shepard took a long sip of her beer and waited as the credits began to roll and the host gave a rundown of what they’d be covering on tonight’s show. She nervously toyed with the paper wrapper on her beer bottle. Kaidan glanced over, and rested his hand on her thigh. Her eyes flickered up and she gave a smile.

“Come on, honey,” he said, smirking, “it’ll be just fine.”

Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Oh please.”

“And you’ll never guess which two hot celebs were spotted out hand in hand today. We’ve got your first look coming up tonight,” the anchor said.

Liara sighed. “Oh thank god.”

Kaidan looked over at Shepard as she watched the news, and she pretended she didn't notice. Halfway through the news broadcast, they cut to their segment.

"Here we go!" Liara said.

"Just one week after her rough run in with the paps, Jane Shepard is stepping out again... this time, with a new man on her arm."

The TV flashed a picture of the two of them hand in hand outside the farmer's market earlier that day. They looked natural and happy, and it looked absolutely convincing. They looked like a natural couple, and Shepard felt some kind of excitement inside seeing pictures of them together.

"Earlier today, the starlet was spotted out with Hollywood heartthrob Kaidan Alenko, where the two had a romantic stroll through the farmers market together. The couple stayed hand in hand the entire time, and even got extra cozy when they thought no one was looking."

"Damn," Kaidan said, "we  _ are  _ good."

"Sure are, heartthrob," Shepard teased.

"Please, don't," he groaned.

They pulled up a picture of the two of them when they were closest earlier that day. Kaidan was holding onto her with his fingers looped around her belt, and cupping her face. There was a faint smile on his lips and she looked... at ease? So few people knew what they were up to, but Shepard herself was beginning to feel as if she were falling for it too.

"Could this have been what set the star off last week? Perhaps trying to keep a budding relationship under wraps did the trick."

"Oh no," Shepard said.

"What?" Kaidan asked.

"Now they're linking my freak out to you," she groaned.

Liara scratched her chin. "That is a predicament."

"Not really," Kaidan said, "look, we're fake dating. Of course we're linked together somehow. They can speculate all they want but it won't change that at least the focus on your image has shifted slightly, and it's only been a day."

"What about you?" Shepard asked.

"What about me?"

"How does this make you look?"

He shrugged. "Well, they talked about me. They don’t get to do that often.”

"See?" Liara said.

"Okay," Shepard said, "as long as you're okay with it."

"I am. And... I think we should get to planning our next date."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard stood in front of the mirror and smoothed her hands over her dress one more time. She didn't usually get nervous for dates, but this one had her freaked out. Kaidan called her early in the day and told her he had reservations at a swanky restaurant not far from her apartment, and to look nice. It was clear that they were aiming for more romantic than their last outing together.

She pulled on a simple black dress and a pair of heels, and had her stylist come over and fix up her makeup for her. The buzzer rang, and she scooped up her things to head downstairs. She found Kaidan waiting in the lobby with his car pulled up just outside. He was wearing a pair of nice slacks and a blue button down with the sleeves rolled up. He turned and spotted her, and hesitated for a moment. He toyed with the keys in his hand and eyed her up and down.

"Wow, you look... you look really beautiful."

Shepard blushed and looked down. "Thanks. You look quite handsome too."

No cameras either. He genuinely thought she looked nice, and it made her heart flutter just a little bit. He took her hand and pulled her closer. He pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Let's head out, okay?" he said.

She nodded and took his hand. They drove a few minutes to the restaurant, and sure enough, it was swanky, and mostly outdoors. Kaidan helped her out of the car and tipped the valet. He went up to the hostess and she led them to their table. Kaidan pulled Shepard’s chair out for her, and took his seat across from her. Once they were both seated, he ordered them a bottle of wine and took her hand across the table.

“You know, all this pretending,” she said, keeping her voice low, “and I still feel like I don’t really know you. Seems like all we get to talk about is the plan.”

He shrugged. “And you’d like to change that?”

“If we’re spending months together, I should enjoy it, shouldn’t I?

He gave a smile. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“So tell me something that your Wikipedia page wouldn’t tell me.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Oh god. I haven’t looked at it, so I don’t know what’s on there. Wait… have you read my Wikipedia page?”

“I do good research before I take roles.”

“So what did you learn?”

“You’re Canadian, born in Vancouver. Your mom’s a nurse, dad’s in the military, but retired. You went to college in Canada, studied engineering, but somehow ended up acting after taking a role in a friends short film that got some recognition. And that your main significant other since breaking into the business was Miranda Lawson for two-and-a-half years. How am I doing so far?”

Kaidan brushed his thumb against the back of her palm and smiled. “Not too shabby.”

“I mean, anyone can change anything on those sites. For all I know, your mom could be a spy or something and maybe you’re not really thirty-two, but like fifty-eight with  _ really  _ good genes and plastic surgeon.”

He rolled his eyes. “Please. I’m not exciting enough to have people change my biography. And if they did, I wouldn’t be mad as long as it was amusing.”

“I know what I’m doing when I get home,” she teased.

The waitress brought over their wine, and poured them glasses.

“Are you ready to order?” she asked.

“Oh, uh,” Kaidan said, “no.”

“I’ll come back in a few minutes then,” the waitress said, and turned away. Kaidan glanced back at Shepard and opened his menu.

“I guess I was just a little distracted,” he said.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Just order your dinner, casanova.”

“Well, I know I’ll just end up getting steak anyway. Did Wikipedia tell you that?” he asked, looking over his menu.

“No, no it did not,” she replied.

 

***

By the time their dinners arrived, someone had tipped the photographers off that they were out to dinner. They couldn’t get into the restaurant, or too close to it, but Shepard and Kaidan were more than aware of the flashes going off every time they leaned in closer together.  It hadn’t been a terribly huge distraction, and Shepard couldn’t be horribly annoyed because that was the point after all. Even if she was enjoying the night as if it were a real date.

They’d finished their bottle of wine and moved onto cocktails, finishing their second round of whiskeys on the rocks. Shepard’s head was beginning to feel fuzzy and light, and a slight tipsy tingle had risen to her cheeks. But she was grateful for the lack of inhibition around Kaidan, and was somewhat glad he was letting loose himself. It made her feel less weird when she began to admire his features as they sat across the table from one another.

The more alcohol Kaidan had in him, the less he seemed like his stoic, media-trained self, and she liked what she found underneath. She liked the way his laugh lines showed around his eyes, and his curly hair fell out of the usual gelled back mold, and how he wasn’t afraid to speak freely. For the first time, she wondered if he was actually acting or not.

“You’re kidding,” he laughed, “that’s how your first audition ever ended?”

“Yeah, I think I scared the director half to death. Needless to say, I didn’t get that part.”

Kaidan held his hand out for her as they began to leave the restaurant, and she took it, sticking close to his side. Kaidan squeezed her hand and pulled her aside before hitting the valet stand. Camera flashes flickered all over and photographers shouted their names, demanding attention. Kaidan gave a curt wave and passed the valet his ticket. Amid the flurry of lights, Shepard knew this was her chance. Maybe the media could see her for something soft, something loving. It wasn’t a nuisance this time, but an opportunity. They were still partially shielded, but visible enough that it left the cameras wanting more.

“You trust me?” she asked.

Kaidan nodded, and she tugged him closer, pressing her lips against his. His lips were delicate and soft, and he tasted like whiskey. Kaidan slid his hands to her waist and their bodies came together. He kissed her back and cupped her face for a moment before the photographers began yelling for them to do it again. They pulled away, but he stayed close to her. His mind was clearly moving at a mile a minute and he didn’t seem to process what had happened, but after a moment, there was a smile.

“You sure are an opportunist,” he said, brushing his thumb against her cheek.

“I try.”

“Sir,” the valet said, “your car is here.”

Kaidan took her hand and led her out, toward the mass of photographers. They yelled at them to kiss again, for Shepard to comment on her recent scandal, how she felt about her movie being postponed. Instead of humoring them, Kaidan slid his arm around her back and helped her into his car before sliding in himself. The valets shooed the photographers out of the way as they pulled out and began their drive home. He focused completely on getting them out of there, and getting away from the attention.

“Never gets easier,” he said to himself.

“Huh?”

“You know, all of it. People always being in your business, not leaving you alone.”

“You’re dating me for attention. I think you should have expected some of it,” she teased.

He gave a soft smile. “I… did. And it’s not you, or this. It’s just shit sometimes. Sometimes you just want to go do a normal thing without being watched, you know?”

She nodded. “Absolutely.”

“You know, you can love what you do, and still hate some of the shit that comes with it. Most of the time it’s fine, but sometimes it hits you how on display and fake you have to be sometimes.”

Shepard thought of their kiss and the way his lips tasted on hers, and for a moment, sank. It was all fake. She knew that. She was just stupid enough to enjoy it for a moment.

“Yeah. I mean, you seem to keep it so composed, like you’re the same person on and off camera.”

He swallowed and gave a shrug. “I guess for the most part.”

“Well, what’s the rest of it?” she asked.

He laughed. “Whoa, that blunt?”

“Sure. Hit me with it. Something I can’t read on your Wikipedia page.”

The car slowed as traffic stopped in front of them. Kaidan sighed and put his foot on the break. He drummed his thumb against the wheel.

“I guess… uh… I’m bisexual.”

She looked up and nodded. “Oh, huh, well… same.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you open about it?” he asked, hinting that he personally wasn’t.

“Not really. I mean, I’ve never denied it, but I’ve never been super open.”

“Me either. I’ve been told a few times it might not help my career. I guess in some ways I agree. It’s who I am, but if I’m open with it, I worry that with all that,” he said, motioning in the general direction of the cameras and chaos, “it’s all I ever would be. It’s important to me, and matters a lot, but there’s more to me.”

“Of course there is.”

He smiled. “Well, thanks. It’s just… not easy to feel like you can’t just be yourself. I wish I could be open about it, and I’m sure I will be one day, you know, because I’d hope other kids who feel like I do feel better about themselves. But I’m not ready for it yet.”

Shepard hesitated a moment, but rested her hand on top of his on the gear. He looked up at her for a moment, taken back.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Underneath all the glamour, you’ve still gotta be a person. That’s most important. And,” she started, “if you ever want to talk about it, with someone who might understand, you always have me.”

Kaidan leaned forward and parted his lips. Shepard was already ready for another kiss, when suddenly the traffic began to move again. Kaidan cleared his throat and began to drive again. The rest of the ride was silent.

They arrived at Shepard’s apartment building a few minutes later, and he parked outside. There was a moment of silence before he spoke up.

“Let me walk you in,” he said.

He stepped out and came to her side of the car, and extended his hand out for her. They entered the building hand in hand, and Shepard led him to the elevators. She pressed her floor button and they rode up in silence. They stopped outside her door, and Kaidan stepped a little closer to her. Shepard felt her heart racing. 

“Thanks for, well, listening,” he said.

“Anytime.”

“I just,” he began, “they could have put me with someone miserable who I didn’t connect with at all. And I guess I just got lucky.”

Shepard smiled. “Likewise.”

She felt something tingling inside of her, an excitement she hadn’t felt for another person for a while, and the few drinks in her might have been assisting that. But it felt all too good when Kaidan pulled her close and kissed her again. This time, there was no one to watch.

She weaved her arms around his shoulders and held onto him tightly. His hands slipped below her waist and pressed her against his body. She kissed him back and melted into him. He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, and she reeled him in for more. Kaidan far from objected.

He kissed her softly, but with such an intensity that set her body on fire. And then he stopped, almost as if he realized he was taking his role too far. He glanced down at her with a smile, and kissed her chastely one last time.

“Thanks for the date,” she said.

He nodded. “Of course. Get some rest, okay?”

“You too,” she said, as he stepped away and headed for the elevator. Shepard could still taste him on her lips, but she was still left with the looming feeling that maybe, just maybe, their stint together was more than just an act.


	4. Chapter 4

 

“Stop moving, or you’ll get hairspray in your eye,” Ashley said as the stylist put the finishing touches on Kaidan’s hair.

Kaidan stayed still in the chair and didn’t interfere as the stylist of the day pushed his curls into something more manageable and presentable. They’d been at this for an hour, giving him a fresh shave, putting powder and other beauty shit he didn’t understand on his face so he wouldn’t look shiny, and picking out his clothes for him. He still found all of it a bit excessive.

“Liara handled the car, so it’ll be here in twenty minutes to pick you up. Remember,” Ashley said, “this is your first  _ big  _ event with Jane. It’s not just a sighting or getting caught on a date. You’re going together, so make it good. Also because this is your chance to get people talking about your movie. So act genuine.”

Kaidan shrugged. “You act like I haven’t been doing that for the past two months.”

“I know, but it’s just been chatter. Now you two are official.”

“Trust me, it won’t be that hard.”

Ashley eyed him over and narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

He looked up, realizing what he’d said. “Oh… I mean, we’ve just been doing it a while. Sneaking around, getting our pictures taken. I know how it works.”

She crossed her arms. “I mean, it almost sounded like you were serious. Like you genuinely like her.”

Kaidan paused. “So what if I did?”

“It’s a publicity stunt, Kaidan. You both agreed to this to get your names out there and to focus on your images. I mean, she’s a great girl and all, but I think you’re going to get hurt if you let yourself feel for her.”

“Why?”

“Because none of this is real,” she said, and realized how harsh it sounded. “I get it. You’re both actors and you take your jobs seriously, but the last thing I want to see is for you to take it more seriously than her, and her break your heart, okay?”

“Shepard wouldn’t-,” he began, and then he realized that maybe he didn’t know her. Maybe the Shepard he was seeing was someone pretending. But she’d let herself be vulnerable, and told her things that someone who had no interest in being with him would say. She had to be real with him. He swallowed, realizing that maybe Ashley was too late in warning him. Maybe he’d already fallen and was already destined for heartbreak. “Ash, I’m a big boy and I can handle myself.”

She sighed. “I know you are. I just don’t want to see this blow up in your face.”

“Yeah, me either.”

 

***

 

Kaidan sat with Shepard in the back seat of the limo with Ashley’s conversation looming in his head. Before leaving the house, he’d convinced himself that this was all just another job and Shepard was a cooperative co-worker. But the second he saw her, he’d lost a good chunk of that resolve. He knew he was in deep trouble.

It was a swanky club opening sure to attract lots of cameras and reporters, and of course, they’d have to walk to the red carpet arm in arm. When Shepard emerged from the elevator in a stunning yellow jumpsuit, he knew that he was going to have a hard time keeping his affection as just an act. 

“Liara said ‘look mature’,” she explained.

He smiled. “I see.”

“I talked her out of a suit. I try to get away with wearing pants whenever I can.”

“You look gorgeous,” he replied, sliding his hand on top of hers. 

“Thanks,” she blushed.

He wanted to kiss her now while they still had the time to be private and alone. He wanted just a moment of affection that didn’t have to be shared with the whole world. But knowing that he was losing grip on his own feelings reminded him to keep the goal in mind and ignore everything else for now.

The limo pulled up to the event, and their door opened. Kaidan looked behind him to Shepard and took her hand. He slid out and helped her out of the car, before wrapping his arm around her to hold her. Liara arrived just after them and quickly snapped to attention. Camera flashes flurried and snapped left and right, and reporters called their names left and right. They posed for a few quick pictures before moving down the line.

Liara guided them to a reporter in front of them, one Kaidan recognized from TV but couldn’t place. Shepard swallowed and looked nervous. He brushed his thumb against the small of her back and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Diana Allers here with Jane Shepard and Kaidan Alenko, the newest ‘it’ couple in town. This is your first event out together and it’s definitely putting the rumor mill to rest. Now, are you official, or just two stars supporting one another?”

“Oh,” Shepard started, “definitely official.”

“Yes, we’re very, very happy,” Kaidan finished.

“Wow, kind of an unlikely duo here. Can I ask what drew you two together?”

“Uh,” he started, “you meet a lot of people in this line of work and some click, some don’t. Turns out some people are just as vibrant off screen as they are on screen. There are some people you meet and you just can’t turn away from.”

“And she’s one of those?” Diana asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Jane, any comments on the recent reporter scandal?”

Shepard - without missing a beat - shook her head. “No, none. It’s the past and all you can do is look forward.”

“Well, thank you two so much and have a wonderful night tonight.”

Shepard thanked both of them and took his hand to guide him down the row of reporters. He wondered how she had the poise and bravery to face all of them, knowing that every single one of them was just waiting for her to mess up and do something that would get their story to the front page news. But she didn’t flinch for a moment. She refused to comment on the scandal, and kept the conversations focused toward them and the event, and didn’t stumble over any of it. And the entire time, he kept his eyes on her, and found that he hardly had to try. 

Shepard returned to him and slid her arm around his back.

“You’re doing really well,” he said.

“Thanks. I hope so.”

He swallowed and cupped the side of her face. “If any of them can’t see how incredible you are, that’s on them.”

“I wish it were that easy, but… thanks.”

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his for a brief kiss, and he tugged her closer to his body. He wondered if she was doing this for the cameras or for comfort, and if maybe she felt the same way about him.

“You ready to head inside?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yes, please.”

He held his hand out for her and led her into the club. The inside was dimly lit with tables rounding the outskirts and private booths reserved, and a dancefloor at the center. It was hardly Kaidan’s scene, but he’d gotten used to showing up and going to these sorts of places anyway. When he’d been with Miranda, she was constantly having to make appearances at clubs through modelling contracts.

“Come on, let’s grab a drink,” he said, ushering her over to the bar. They ordered their drinks and Shepard leaned into him closer as they took a seat at a couch nearby. She rested her legs on top of his and curled an arm around his shoulders.

“What you said out there… about me being incredible… was that for me or the cameras?”

Kaidan swallowed. “For you.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Of course. Whatever this is, our stunt, it doesn’t mean I can’t have such admiration for you. Doesn’t mean I can’t actually like who you are.”

She smiled and looked down at her drink. “Okay.”

He picked her chin up and guided her to his lips. Shepard moved in closer and kissed him back. Shepard dropped off her drink on the table in front of them and went in for another kiss. She held onto him tightly and gripped the curls coming loose at the back of his neck. She pulled away a moment and pressed her forehead against his. She shut her eyes and he took a moment to look at her. She was so stunning, and he wanted to tell her how much he cared for her - for real. Not as a stunt, but he didn’t know how.

“I’ve grown to care about you, a lot,” he said.

She nodded. “Me too. You aren’t what I expected, at all.”

“What’d you expect?” he laughed.

“Someone who had  _ no  _ idea how to have fun.”

“Ouch.”

“What’d you think of me?”

“Someone who might totally punch me in the face.”

She laughed and leaned into him closer. “The night is still young.”

He pulled her in close and kissed her nose. “Good to know there’s still time.”

 

***

The club filled up as the night went on, full of popular socialites and public figures, and even more actors and actresses. He and Shepard mingled a bit with Tali’Zorah, a popular lifestyle YouTuber, who was a huge fan of both of their movies, and James Vega - an up and coming reality TV star with a cookbook on the way. Everyone they encountered noted what an odd couple the two seemed like, but how happy they seemed together.

It was good enough for the two of them. It was also good enough that Kaidan seemed to be keeping her closer and had been even more affectionate than normal with her. His arm hadn’t left her side almost all night, and she found that she was reciprocating while hardly thinking about the publicity stunt.

“Liara says the car will be here for us in five minutes,” Shepard said.

Kaidan nodded and finished off his drink. “Alright, let’s head out there.”

“And she also says she’s been monitoring Twitter and that several large news sites have been tweeting about us.”

Kaidan smiled and cupped her face. “Perfect. C’mere.”

He pulled her in for a kiss, soft and easy, and it left her wanting more. He took her hand and guided her back toward the front to wait for their car. As they emerged, a few photographers snapped pictures of them, and Kaidan gave them a wave to appease them. They spotted their car down at the end of the block and began to head that way. As they did, one reporter stuck out and followed them.

“Miss Shepard! A few questions? Please?”

Shepard turned and looked at the reporter. She had a short black bob and wore an evening gown, with a single cameraman following her. Shepard swallowed and nodded, Kaidan sticking close by.

“Sure, okay.”

“What’s coming up next for you? Of course, production was halted a few months ago on the next  _ Blasto  _ installment, but surely there’s other plans?”

Shepard gave a curt smile and shook her head. “Nothing that NDAs will let me say.”

“Well, for a while there, it looked like your career was in some limbo there. Do you think that’s the case?”

“Uh, obviously not. Every person hits obstacles and hard times, and it’s about how you overcome them that shows the most over time.”

“Do you think your new relationship has helped with that?”

She squeezed Kaidan’s hand tighter. “Absolutely. It’s a comfort to have someone at your side.”

“We’re certainly glad to see you back in a more favorable spotlight, and look forward to what comes next!”

“Thank you,” she said, stepping in the direction of the car with Kaidan. As they took a few steps away, she heard mumbling.

“Still a bitchy street rat to me,” the reporter said.

Shepard froze and shut her eyes to listen. Kaidan stopped walking and drew his attention to the reporters as well.

“Jane,” he whispered, “come on. You don’t owe them anything else.”

Instead, she pulled away from him and went back to the reporters. Rage bubbled in her chest and her eyes pricked with tears, but she wasn’t about to show that if they’d turned the cameras back on.

“What did you say about me?” she snapped.

The reporter looked up and smiled. “Nothing, dear.”

“I heard you. I heard what you said. You got your questions in and took up my time, just to call me a bitch.”

The reporter tapped the cameraman on the shoulder again, and he pressed a button on the camera.

“Turn the camera off. I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Sweetheart,” the reporter said, “you wouldn’t want to make the world think you’re some kind of criminal again, would you? It’s easy to paint the narrative.”

Kaidan appeared behind her and covered the camera with his hand. “Turn the goddamn cameras off. Come on, Jane, we don’t owe them anything else.”

He reached down and took her hand, guiding her toward the car. She held onto his hand tightly and followed him, her head feeling fuzzy and eyes burning with tears. He helped her into the car and pulled her into his lap.

“They’re a bunch of dickheads and you know it,” he said as they began to drive. She rested her head on his shoulder and sniffled. Something about his comfort felt so right, and she couldn’t imagine spending the night with anyone but him. She wanted to strip out of the fancy clothes and makeup and curl up beside the person she wasn’t even supposed to love in the first place and have him comfort her the way a normal partner would. 

“Can I… Can we just go to your place? I don’t really want to go home and be alone,” she whispered.

Kaidan looked down and cupped her face. “Yeah, of course.”

He told the driver they could skip her stop and just go right to his house, and she settled back against his chest for the rest of the ride. She willed herself to stay calm and not cry in front of their driver, but she found it harder and harder to keep her resolve the more Kaidan held her and kissed the top of her head. He made it feel like it was okay to just feel the way she did, and nobody had ever made her feel that way before. At least not for a very, very long time.

They pulled up to Kaidan’s apartment building and he helped her out once again. His building was one she’d past time and time again driving around the city, nestled among other luxury apartment complexes. It had bright curved lights around the frame of the building and reminded her of a 50s style diner, and a bubbling fountain out front. Kaidan took her hand and brought her up the front steps and to the second floor to his place.

They stepped inside and he kept the lights mostly off.

“Make yourself at home, okay?”

She nodded and hesitated to do anything, just crossed her arms in front of her body and tried to keep her eyes from watering. Kaidan tossed his keys on the counter and came back over to her. They took a seat on the couch together and he rested his hand on her leg.

“They were just a bunch of assholes, you know?” he said. “You know that. They were just trying to make you look stupid, but what matters is that you kept your cool and there’s nothing that they can do with that.”

She swallowed. “I told them off.”

“Yeah, well, so did I. ‘Hollywood Pretty Boy Lashes Out’ tomorrow on the news,” he teased.

She managed a small smile, but it didn’t change how defeated she felt. “It’s just all so fake.”

Kaidan leaned closer and his hand came to her cheek as a tear slipped down her face. He brushed it away with his thumb, and she sniffled.

“I’m just tired of things being fake. People talking behind my back, having to constantly make nice when I don’t want to, dragging other people into my shit. It was nice at first, getting to live a fantasy life where I got to be someone else. But sometimes you just want a break, even for a little while. I just want something to be real.”

She sniffled again and more tears dripped down her cheeks. Kaidan pulled her into his arms and let her rest her head on his shoulder. She gripped the fabric of his shirt and let out a soft sob into his chest. He ran his hand up and down her back and and just let her be. He didn’t tell her she had to calm down, or touch up her makeup, or let her know that her drama was simply not his problem. He just held her, and she didn’t want him to let go.

She swallowed her tears and squeezed him tighter.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

She nodded and sighed. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Any time.”

“This whole thing is just stupid,” she said. “Pretending to date each other. It pisses me off that we even  _ needed  _ to do it. I know it’s all part of the whole shebang, but it sucks.”

“You’re telling me,” he joked, “I’ve been hearing about how this movie is going to tank for months now.”

“And if it does?”

“I enjoyed myself and was happy with it. To me, that’s what matters most.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. And no matter what happens, you’re going to be okay too.”

Shepard picked her head up and he cupped her face. He looked back at her with such admiration and care. He wasn't doing this for anyone. There were no cameras, no onlookers to see them.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Kaidan brushed his thumbs below her eyes, clearing off the smudged makeup that stained her face. She felt like she must have looked totally ridiculous and ugly at the moment, but he didn't look at her that way. He gave her a soft smile and pressed his forehead to hers.

"I got you all snotty and my mascara's on your shirt, god," she laughed, sniffling the last of her tears away.

"It's okay, really. I think I can recover."

She smiled and leaned closer to him. They'd spent the whole night kissing and being close to one another, and feeling his body pressed against hers was no new sensation. But to be completely alone and in his apartment, with no one watching, it felt like the first time. If she kissed him now, there wouldn't have to be a facade.

"Good," she said, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You put up with so much of my shit."

He laughed too and weaved one of his hands in her hair. "I guess I'm just lucky you look so stunning even when you did get snot all over me."

"Shut up," she said, and before she could do anything else, she realized how close their lips were. She could taste him already, and wanted to know what it was like when it was just the two of them. She didn't have time to think too far into it when his lips pressed against hers, softly and gently. She felt breathless, and leaned into him more, kissing him back and crawling into his lap. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her tightly as she nibbled on his bottom lip.

He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, and looked like he was about to say something, but she cut him off with another kiss. This time, Kaidan leaned her back against the couch and slid himself between her legs.  Any hesitation he had moments ago faded away as he began to kiss her harder and his hands wandered down her body. Shepard looped her fingers through the his belt loops and pressed his body against hers harder. His lips trailed down her jaw to her neck, and she let out a long sigh.

As he kissed her lower and lower, she reached for the buttons on his shirt. She slowly eased each one through the holes and helped him untuck it from his pants. Kaidan shimmied out of his shirt and tossed it aside, leaving him in a thin white undershirt. Shepard guided Kaidan back to her lips, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to keep him close. He pulled away for a moment, but she returned with a kiss and gripped his curls. Kaidan struggled to hold himself on the couch, and held onto her for support.

"Maybe we should move somewhere else," he whispered against her lips.

"Lead the way," she replied, and he scooped her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around him, and let him carry her toward the back of his apartment. Her lips hardly left his and he held onto her tightly as she bit down on his bottom lip. He fumbled with the door handle and led them into his room, where he carefully set her down.

"Help me get out of this," she said, guiding his hand to the back of her jump suit. Kaidan seemed to hesitate for a moment, but tugged the zipper down her back and eased her outfit off of her. His eyes danced over her body for a few moments, drinking her in, and he swallowed. Shepard reached for the bottom of his undershirt and pulled it over his head. Of course, she'd seen him without a shirt before. She was certain it was in his contract he had to strip down once per movie, but there was something so much more human about seeing him exposed now. He had a scar along his collarbone that was probably edited out of scenes and photos, and his stomach wasn't as intimidatingly carved as it seemed. But god did she like this so much better.

She kissed him again and leaned back on the bed, tugging him closer by his belt. She unbuckled it and began to unzip his pants, and he helped her slide them down his legs. Kaidan climbed on top of her and hesitated a moment before kissing her. He stroked her cheek with his thumb and looked at her in a way no one had before. Something raw and caring. Something real.

Kaidan leaned down and softly kissed her. She felt warm and loved and she didn't want him to stop. For just a night she could live in the illusion that it was all real. Tomorrow she could wake up and go back to business as usual.

Kaidan kissed her neck again and pressed his hips against hers. She sighed his name and reached behind her to unhook her bra. He helped her slip it off and toss it aside, as she took his hand and guided it down her body for him. He rested his hand against the curve of her breast and traced her curves so gently, and slowly moved down her body. Chills rose to her skin as he teased below the waistband of her underwear. She shivered and moaned against him. He found her center and teased gentle circles against her body. Her breathing picked up and she reached out for him. 

“You good?” he whispered against her lips.

She nodded and shut her eyes, a warm feeling beginning to spread all over her body. Kaidan applied more pressure to her, and she let out a soft moan against his lips. “Fuck. Yeah, I’m… good.”

She kissed him harder, tugging on his hair and grinding her hips against his. She could feel his desire growing, and a hunger to push this further, but he didn’t press her. 

“Do you want to do this?” she asked, breathless. His fingers teased at her further and she shivered as he brought her closer to a tipping point. If he kept her waiting any longer, she felt like she might explode.

Kaidan pulled his lips off of hers and cupped her face. He smiled and shut his eyes. “I forgot to tell you. I don’t do one night stands with other celebrities.”

She smiled back and stroked his cheek. “It’s a good thing that I’m officially your girlfriend now.”

He gave a low, breathy laugh and kissed her again. He reached into his nightstand and rifled through it for a condom, and she slipped her underwear down her legs. Once he found one, she helped him tear the casing and slid his boxers down his legs. He eased it over himself and moved closer to her. She still felt fuzzy and light from earlier, but it just left her hungry for more. Kaidan parted her legs and slid himself against her, and closed all of their gaps. She reached for his hair and tugged at his curls as they took a few moments to find a rhythm that worked for both of them.

It didn’t take long for her to hit her first high, and reach out for him as she rode it out. She shut her eyes and moaned his name, her voice cracking near the end. Kaidan kissed her again, gentle this time, and cradled her hand against his chest for a moment. She swallowed as he kissed down her neck and between her breasts. She reached below Kaidan’s waist and guided him to something more intense. He groaned and stopped kissing her for a moment to catch his breath.

She wrapped her legs around his and pushed her body up, and quickly turned him into his back without breaking their stride. She secured one leg on either side of his body, and let him hold onto her waist. He guided her slowly and stifled a moan as she moved against him. She watched him as his eyes fluttered closed and the muscles in his neck tightened. She moved her hands to his chest and picked up speed just slightly. 

Kaidan whimpered something under his breath and gripped her wrists as she worked him toward a climax. It didn’t take long, and she found herself wandering with him. His nails dug into her arms and his voice cracked with a stronger intensity, so she leaned down and kissed him again as he came, with her following moments later. She weaved her fingers between his and rested on top of him. Kaidan cupped her cheek and pulled her in for a long, delirious kiss that felt so real, so loving. 

After they’d cleaned up, and settled back into bed together, Shepard rested beside him, and he took her in his arms. He cradled her close and stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“You happy?” he asked.

She found it to be a strange question, and maybe a little too broad. She’d been expecting him to maybe ask if that was good, or maybe a joke about how he stacked up against other stars, but no. He wanted to know if she was happy. And right now, laying in his arms, in his bed, and for once feeling safe being so vulnerable with another person, she nodded.

“I’m happy. Are you?”

He smiled back. “Very.”

“So really, no one night stands with other stars? Those are all fake rumors?”

He rolled his eyes and laughed. “They’re fake. I think you need to go to bed.”

She kissed his nose. “Fine, maybe you’ll fess up in the morning.”

“No,” he teased, “I won’t, and I’m going to bed now.”

She kissed him again and settled herself in his arms as his eyes drifted shut. She couldn’t help but feel that there was absolutely nothing fake about them anymore.

 

***

Kaidan woke up with Jane in his arms, still fast asleep. Her red hair spread out on the pillow below her, and with all her clothes off, he could make out just how many freckles were on her back and chest. He pressed his lips to her bare shoulder and hovered there for a moment, She breathed in and shifted, turning over to face him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her forehead to his.

“Morning,” she whispered.

“Morning,” he replied. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” she said, “the best.”

He kissed her, and it was soft and somewhat messy, both of them shaking off sleep but already feeling the desire for one another. She kissed him back and pulled herself on top of him. After a moment, he pulled away and breathed her in.

“You thought last night was good, just wait until I make you breakfast.”

She smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “I guess chivalry isn’t dead. You may just have to sleep with them first to get it.”

“Hey, I did tell you I wanted to cook for you.”

“Good. I’m excited. Can I… uh, borrow a shirt?”

She rolled off of him as he sat up and reached into his drawer for a t-shirt. Shepard eased it over her body and pulled her underwear back on as he searched for his boxers. As he pulled a pair of sweatpants on, Shepard’s phone began to ring in the living room. She hurried out of the room to grab it and he followed into the kitchen.

“Hello? Oh, Liara, hey. No, I just woke up, why?”

Kaidan pulled out a frying pan and some eggs and bacon as Shepard listened to what Liara said. He watched her as the pan heated up, and she paced around the living room. He’d tried to ask her the night before if she wanted to be together for real, but it hadn’t come out the way he wanted. But to ask her if she was happy felt right too, and he was happy that she was happy.

“Shit, you’re kidding,” she said. “Are you serious? When?”

He wondered if it was something about her film, or another audition had come through, but didn’t want to jump to conclusions. But joy spread on her face, and her shoulders sagged in an easiness he hadn’t seen in her since she knew her. It had to be good news.

“Yeah, absolutely. I’ll take both. Forward me the scripts, and I’ll take a look at them. Thank you so much.”

Shepard hung up and stepped into the kitchen.

“What’s up?” he asked.

She ran her fingers through her hair and smiled. “Two directors want to meet with me. They have a role in mind for me. It’s not totally an audition but in some ways, I guess this is better. Holy shit.”

He smiled too. “That’s incredible. See? I knew it would all work out.”

She nodded. “I know. I just… I didn’t think it would be this soon. We did it.”

He laughed. “I guess so.”

“I mean, it’s good, I guess then. We don’t have to keep this up much longer, you know? Just until your movie comes out.”

He looked up and waited for her to say something else. He waited for her to suggest that maybe they keep seeing each other and make this real, and not just a stunt. Maybe they move from wanting to be seen to wanting to be private. But she didn’t. He could say something, suggest it himself. But hearing the words come out of her lips made him almost certain that it would be a stupid question.

He swallowed and turned off the stove. “Oh, uh, yeah. Just another few weeks.”

She paused.  “Yeah. We don’t have to lie anymore.”

Something ached in his chest, and he felt like he couldn’t even be mad at her. Just mad at himself. Ashley had warned him about this, told him not to get attached to what was ultimately just another job. And he’d gone and done it anyway. 

“I guess not.”

He tried to hide his sadness as best as he could, but something kept bubbling up. He bit down on his lip, and she definitely noticed.

“Kaidan…”

“What?”

“I didn’t mean - shit. Last night was great-.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. You don’t need to explain. I get it. I do. What we have isn’t actually real. I know.”

“I…”

“It’s okay,” he said, but felt anything but okay.

Shepard crossed her arms and looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever,” he replied.

“I should go.”

“You don’t have to.”

She nodded. “No, I should. I should uh… get to reading those scripts and preparing. I’ll see you on Friday for the premiere?”

Kaidan thought for a moment. They were supposed to go to his film premiere together, walk arm in arm on the red carpet and premiere his film  _ together _ . But now the thought of it tasted terrible in his mouth. Before, they’d been either strictly pretending or feeling things for one another that they couldn’t pretend. But he didn’t want her to have to be here any longer than she had to.

“It’s fine. Uh… you’re right. The lying was getting old. You really don’t have to come.”

“Kaidan, I-.”

“I know. It’s okay. I’m tired of pretending too. Whatever happens will happen. Ashley can yell at me later.”

Shepard’s eyes watered just a bit and she nodded. “Fine, then.”

She stepped back into the bedroom and grabbed her clothing. She returned fully dressed and collected her bag from the living room. She paused a moment and swallowed.

“Well, I’ll see you around I guess.”

He nodded. “Yeah. And good luck with your auditions.”

“Thanks.”

She backed away toward the door and shut it behind her. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

“You did  _ what? _ ” Liara cried. “Shepard, you do know that this was a  _ fake  _ relationship, right?”

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Yes, mother.”

“So your best bet was to sleep with him?”

Liara was pacing. She had been since Shepard dropped the bomb that she wouldn’t be going to Kaidan’s premiere with him. Of course, she still wanted to. She wanted to see him and support him, and she wanted to be on his arm as he told the world about a project he cared for so much. But she knew he didn’t want her there, and she knew she didn’t deserve to be there.

She wasn’t sure what she was thinking when she said what she did, and she didn’t expect him to take it  _ that  _ hard. They were set up as a publicity stunt, and their entire romance had been a facade. However short it was, she sensed more and more that Kaidan’s feelings were becoming real. And she felt it in herself as well, but it wasn’t so easy to say. What felt easy was to release him from dealing with her shit. Instead, she’d been moping over it all week. Of course, she did her best in her auditions and meetings with directors, but Kaidan had been tugging at her mind. There was no contact and she missed him terribly.

“Look, I know I fucked up, but I don’t regret it.”

“But what led from being in his bed to him not wanting you to come to the premiere?”

“I fucked up,” she repeated. “I told him after you called that we wouldn’t have to keep pretending anymore, and I think… I think it got to the point where he wasn’t pretending anymore.”

Liara thought for a moment. “But you were?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I care about him. I know that much, and being with him felt really right. I just didn’t expect him to care about me. I’m just another actress with a publicity problem who stars in just okay action movies. I’m not special. I’m not like any other woman he could have out there. He deserved better. He didn’t deserve to be dragged into my bullshit, at all.”

Shepard felt her eyes water and she sniffled as her eyes welled with tears. God, she missed him so much. She wished there were something she could say to him that would erase what she did, and they could go back to the night they were together. He’d asked her if she was happy, and she answered it without hesitation. She was happy _ with him _ . Being in his arms, kissing him even when no one was watching, and knowing he was  _ there  _ made her happy.

“I fucked up,” she repeated yet again, “and honestly, he’s better off if he never has to hear from me again.”

Liara was suspiciously quiet. Shepard suspected she was scheming, trying to come up with some better plan to keep her image on the up and up. But then after a moment, she looked up.

“Shepard, do you love him?”

“What?”

“I said: do you love him?”

She swallowed. “Liara, it doesn’t matter how I feel.”

“It does.”

“Why?”

“Because we are going to fix a lot of problems tonight. Just trust me.”

 

***

Kaidan was glad Ashley didn’t opt for an “I told you so” speech. She probably would have, had he not looked like a sad sap for two days following his night with Shepard. He could see it in her eyes though. He was a big boy who got himself into this, and he’d get himself out. It didn’t change the fact that it hurt like hell though.

“Remember, Shepard’s got another commitment tonight, but she’s very excited for the film to hit theaters,” she lectured as they rounded the corner on the way to the event.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“And try to look happy?”

Kaidan looked over at her and crossed his arms. “I know what to do.”

“I know. And I’m sorry things had to end that way, but we need to keep up the illusion that everything is okay.”

“I know,” he replied.

“Otherwise people might know it was fake.”

“Because it was.”

She paused a moment, and realized she didn’t need to say more. He’d learned the hard way that it wasn’t real, and that everything he and Shepard had was fake. Ashley sighed and dropped it.

“I know. I’m sorry. Just… get through tonight, and we’ll figure things out from there. You should be excited, you know.”

“I am. I just hoped things could be different.”

“You never know,” she said, “maybe Shepard will come around.”

The car pulled up to the venue and his door opened. Immediately, his vision clouded with camera flashes, and everyone yelling his name became a blur. He’d gotten into this whole industry on accident, and grew to love it. But the quieter parts of him wanted to pull away whenever his life had to be so on display. It was different - stepping into a role for everyone to see - because it wasn’t him. It was someone else. They could have all of that.

Ashley led him out of the car and across the red carpet. Reporters asked him to come over and speak with them, and other stars and producers of the film walked and spoke with reporters as well. She led him to a reporter and he took his place in front of their camera. Ashley pushed his hair out of his face for him before they began rolling. He worked up his best smile and found enough energy to put on a good show. The last thing he needed on top of a broken heart was bad press.

The reporter asked him questions about the movie, about what drew him to the piece, and mentioned that there could be award show buzz for him with this project. He answered all the questions courteously and professionally, and it wasn’t hard. He could talk about his work for days, and he’d never stumble. He was confident in it and passionate about it too. But when the reporters asked about his personal life, he often didn’t know what to say.

“Now, you’re usually a pretty private star, and keep your name out of the news, but that’s changed lately? Where’s your lovely lady tonight?”

He smiled. “I’m flying solo tonight. She’s got a prior commitment and couldn’t make it this evening.”

Kaidan heard shouting down at the end of the carpet and kept his focus on the interview. He didn’t know who had arrived, but it had to have been a big deal. He just hoped it wasn’t someone big enough to upstage the event. 

“And has she seen the movie? Is she a fan?”

Kaidan felt an arm slide around his back, catching him by surprise. He tried not to jump, and act cool. It wouldn’t have been the first time a reporter or other star tried to get a little too cozy for comfort. But when he turned, he certainly wasn’t expecting to see Shepard.

“I have,” she said, “and I’m definitely a big fan. It’s probably one of his best so far. I’m really, really proud.”

The shock of her presence made it hard to keep his mind on track, but he managed a smile. 

“Oh wow, so much for a prior commitment!” the reporter said.

“Yeah,” Kaidan said, “it’s definitely a surprise.”

“Hey,” she said, turning to him finally.

“Hey,” he replied, and she met him with a kiss. Kissing her took him back to their night together, and all nights before that where it truly felt like they were a real couple. But now that the facade was broken, he was sort of hoping he’d never have to kiss her again.

“Plans change, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

“Well, you two have a great night together and enjoy the film!” the reporter said.

“Yeah,” Kaidan finished, with a charming smile to leave them on, “you too!”

As they stepped onto the carpet again together, he pulled her close and leaned in for a whisper.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Liara said I still had an invite, so… I couldn’t leave you hanging on your big night.”

He gave a soft smile and nodded. “Okay, then let’s make it a good one.”

 

***

There was an after party following the premiere, and hours had gone by with their act, but no moments to really talk about what had happened between them. They’d been close, and touchy, kissing and holding hands throughout the night, but he knew it was all an act this time. Maybe it was Shepard’s way of saying goodbye. Maybe she wanted him to have one last night with her to keep appearances on the up and up.

He’d had enough talking after a while, and needed some fresh air. He slipped away to go to the bathroom, and somehow ended up at the rooftop bar. With the event downstairs, no one was coming up here. The bartender made him a drink, and then gave him his privacy. He was nice and distracted during the movie and for most of the afterparty, but as it began to wind down, he was left with more and more time alone with Shepard, and it just felt too raw to subject himself to.

She wouldn’t have come if she didn’t care, but he couldn’t tell if her affections were genuine or just accentuated to keep the appearances going strong now that they were official.

_ Yes,  _ he thought to himself,  _ this is exactly why you shouldn’t date other actors _ .

He heard the door to the roof open up, and seriously hoped no one was coming to bother him. Space sounded pretty great right about now.

“Ah, I found you,” Shepard said.

Kaidan had been dreading this all night. All week, actually. But he was beginning to think it would be better if he talked it over with her. Not knowing how she felt, or not being around her tugged at him desperately. Kaidan turned around to face her. She’d looked beautiful all night, but somehow looked better now. She was still in her red cocktail dress, but she’d let her updo down and carried her heels in her hand.

“Had to sneak away for a bit.”

“Me too,” she said, “I was also looking for you, so… there’s that.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

She looked around the rooftop bar and saw that they were alone. She stepped closer and set her shoes on the edge of the roof, sitting beside him. They could see the entire city from all sides from here, and the sounds of the city seemed somewhat soothing right about now. A faint car beeping, music from clubs down the street, palm trees rustling in the wind.

“How’d your auditions go?” he asked.

“Pretty well. Just waiting on calls now. You know, they’re still keeping options open. But it’s a start.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

She was quiet for a moment. “We haven’t had a chance to talk yet.”

“You don’t need to say anything,” he said. “It’s my fault we even got into this situation. We’re here to help each other’s images, and nothing more. It was me who got my hopes up, and I shouldn’t have. I’ll be fine, and we can see out the rest of this stint together and then be done.”

Shepard crossed her arms and stood up. “Look, this is going to come out a jumbled mess, and I suck at apologies, but I’m sorry. I know that I hurt you by being so blunt and only thinking about myself. I just… I started this all with the intention of getting my career back on track, and I felt bad for whoever I dragged into my shit. You deserved better from the get go, and I couldn’t believe that you actually cared about me. It made it easy to go along with it all, and things are returning to normal thanks to you. But I think… I think I stopped pretending a while ago. I was just too stupid to know it or be honest with you or myself.”

He looked up and waited for her to continue whenever she was ready. Her eyes watered and he stood up. He cupped her cheek and dried her eyes for her, as she looked away for a moment and collected her words.

“I actually fell in love with you somewhere along the way.” 

He tried to process her words, and they still didn’t feel real to him.

“You think?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I’ve been alone for so long I forgot what it felt like to want someone. I forgot how great it felt to feel safe and wanted, and all with someone I was supposed to pretend to love.”

He gave a tender smile and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I definitely misunderstood the definition of a publicity stunt too.”

She smiled back and slid her arms around his shoulders. “Okay. I just… I want you, and I want it to be real. No more pretending, no more worrying about our images. I just want  _ us _ . I hope I haven’t ruined my chances at that.”

Instead of answering her, he pulled her in for a kiss. A real one. He tugged her against him, and she moved closer to kiss him back. He could feel her smile against his lips, and he couldn’t help but smile himself. He pulled away for a moment and rested his forehead against hers.

“I love you, Jane Shepard. I want us to be real too,” he said.

He kissed her again and gripped her tightly in his arms. She wove her fingers through his hair and pulled herself closer. As she backed away to catch her breath, he kissed the tip of her nose. She stood there with him and he breathed her in. The world felt calm for just a moment, and surrounded by her and all the city lights, he didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.

“Now… we have another matter to settle,” she said.

He looked up and furrowed his brows. “What?”

“Are we going to be an out and about Hollywood couple? Or totally private?”

He smiled back. “Oh, total recluses, you and I. They’ll have to just wonder where we went.”

She giggled. “Okay. I like the sound of that. Aaand, maybe it’ll keep me out of trouble.”

He kissed her again, softly this time. “Yes, and that too. That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

“A good mess, ultimately.”

He couldn’t help but smile yet again. “Yeah… it turned out to be a pretty good mess.”


End file.
